Separating or divorcing couples may replace their annual “spring cleaning” with “spring planning.” 

The summer, while your children are out of school, is a practical time to tell your families about the separation, to actually separate, and to get your children accustomed to their new schedule of when they will be with each parent and their respective new homes before the new school year begins in the fall.

To do all this as smoothly as possible in one summer requires careful spring planning. The major areas to consider are below.

What to tell your family?

Telling your family about separation or divorce can be tricky in terms of both timing and how and what to say. It is often best to hold off telling your children that you are separating until close to the separation, at a point when you can tell them a clear plan for when and what is going to happen, so they feel secure about what is happening.  

In terms of what and how to say, it is ideal if you and your spouse can tell your children that you are separating together, with a shared narrative that does not assign blame to either party and affirms your love for them. Divorce attorneys, divorce coaches, and parenting coaches can assist you in writing your shared narrative and advise you on what to say.

Where will you each live, and how will you each afford it?

Identifying a place to live can be a strategic decision when divorcing because it can affect custody and support. Ideally, you will find a place that is within your children’s school district (if your children attend public school) and provides you and your children with separate bedrooms.

Finding a place to live can be pricey. As a result, some couples may initially choose to nest in the current home (take turns in the house when they have the children and leave during the other parent’s time with the children), take extended vacations with the children during the summer, or stay or swap in and out of a vacation property during the summer if they have one for a period.

If you are in a position of needing support, ideally, spouses can reach an interim arrangement. If not, you should consult a family lawyer because in some jurisdictions, certain types of support can only be awarded retroactively to the date you file a request in court and can take time to be awarded.

Separating itself also involves other discussions, such as which furniture items will go where and how much each person may need to spend to furnish their future residences.

What will the schedule of time with your children look like?

The focus on the custody schedule should be on what is in your children’s best interests.

However, there are often other looming considerations in the background because whatever custody schedule you come up with becomes the new status quo, and it can affect other aspects of your case, such as the ability to modify that schedule in the future, child support, and who may get the marital home.

There are many ways to come up with a custody schedule, including but not limited to utilizing a parenting coach trained in drafting parenting plans, or divorce lawyers who can help you prepare a proposal or guide you in mediation, negotiation, collaborative law, or going to court if necessary.

If you or your spouse are interested in separating, a family law attorney can guide you through the process, focusing on the best interests of you and your children

Erin Kopelman is a divorce attorney who handles cases involving domestic relations and family law. For more information, contact Erin at elkopelman@lerchearly.com.