Transitions are tough for kids. Whether it’s the morning routine, school drop-off, leaving camp or daycare, or getting ready for bed, moving from one activity to the next can feel overwhelming.

That shift can be especially hard for children who feel comfortable and grounded in what they’re doing, only to be told it’s time to do something completely different.

Add divorce to the mix and an already difficult process can feel even more complicated, particularly for children who may be experiencing a lot of emotions about the divorce while adjusting to life in two homes.

How can you help make custody transitions smoother for your children? Whether you are beginning or ending your custody time, these guidelines can help:

  • Get them excited! If you are ending your time with your children, talk to your kids about what they have to look forward to with the other parent.
  • Set expectations. Helping your children understand the days they will be with each parent can create consistency. Talk to your kids about the weekly schedule, and consider keeping a colorful, fun calendar that the kids can see in your home (when they are old enough to read or recognize which color is for which parent) so they can visualize it. It can help if your co-parent is willing to keep the same or a similar calendar in their home.
  • Use natural transition points when possible. Ideally, after school, camp or childcare is best because children are already moving from one setting to another. This avoids adding unnecessary changes of scenery. If you have to transition between parents directly, keep in mind:
    • Fed and ready. If you’re ending your time with the kids, make sure they have eaten a recent meal or a substantial snack. A hangry (hungry and angry) child may be ripe for a transition tantrum. Also, pack in advance and make sure that they have all of their belongings, including school books, comfort toys, and other important items.
    • Don’t linger. If you’re exchanging the kids directly with your co-parent, it can be hard for them to let go. The longer you stay and allow the kids to cling to you, the harder the exchange may become. Make it clear that it’s time to go, tell them you love them and will see them soon, give them a hug, and say goodbye. If the kids are old enough, consider staying in your car while the kids exit and walk over to the other parent.

Of course, sometimes no matter how many tips and tricks you use, transitions simply are not smooth. Sometimes your children may melt down and resist a transition.

In those moments, keep your cool, and communicate with your co-parent to ease your kids through the transition as best as possible. Afterwards, remember to take a few moments and deep breaths for yourself! 

For more information, contact Maida at (301) 347-1262 or by email at mlhughes@lerchearly.com.